:: Dreams and Other Chimera ::

:: 3.2.08 ::

On my on again off again love affair with Blogging

I seem to like to forget about blogging occasionally. I'm sorry to those who consider me to unreliable because of this, but life gets messy occasionally. When I remember and put inportant stuff up, or anything at all, I'm happy with myself.

On ethics

I like my ethics professor. As I told him on friday, the thing that I like most about him is that he seems to hold us as a class to a higher standard than most professors do. His idea for the class is that the stuff that we have to be able to apply is all well and good, but he wants us to learn how to critically thing, and that's the standard that he's going to hold us to.

On Rhetoric

I understand the point of this class, really I do, but still, some of it becomes a little pedantic after a while. I know that I'll never be G's class of wordsmith, and I'm ok with that. I suppose that it's more whinging than anything. I suppose that I should be happy when I figure out what I want to say, and what I want it to mean, and how I can get that across succinctly.

On Math

Now easier than anytime in recent memory. I think that it's trying to lull me into a false sense of security.

On Spell Checkers

As much as people hate them, I miss having one. I really wish that I could spell better off of the cuff.

On Else

Where I'm living this year is better than last year. There is no one here that I want to kill. The whole robbery thing sucked though. I will probabally be here for the summer, no moving involved, and working in the city. Finally, engineering is stress, no way around that.

Later.

:: James [+] ::
...

Good evening all.

It's warm down here. so that's all good. Though the locals for some reason complain about conditions enough that you'd think that mexico was antartica. I got some good stuff for christmas. Mostly my brain has deaded and is waiting for resurection. Hopefully I'll be more on the ball soon.

James

:: James [+] ::
...

I've never met someone who was dumb before today. For clarity, I've met unintelligent people, but not dumb ones. Anyway that was interesting. He tried to ask me something when I was getting off of the bus. By tried he mouthed something at me with a questioning look on his face. Anyway, I didn't clue in for a minuite and he asked again, and then wrote down the word "downtown?" on his drawing. Anyway, so I told him that the bus was going downtown next and that was that.

I'm just working on studying until next thursday, I really want to pass this stupid course. Of course it's not actually stupid, but it's insanely difficult. So yeah. I feel less alone than when I put up my last post. I hope you'll indulge my little tantrum and go on.

On to theft. So someone broke into my house and stole a bunch of stuff from me on monday while I was writing a final. They got my laptop, and of course all the data. Some rolled change, one of my bush knives, and my SIN card. So I called everyone who needs calling about the SIN card, but now I have to be checked extra thourough every time I need credit for the next 6 years. Aside from that I guess I'll have to find a new bush knife and laptop, so if anyone knows what's a good laptop, (and unfortunetly I can't use a mac) let me know.

On to Finals, everything so far looks good with finals, but I'm a little disappointed with my statics final. Statics (for the non physicists and engineers in our readership) is the study of objects, structures, and systems at rest. That's right folks, an entire class about objects at rest. I say that my performance seemed to be a little dissapointed, but when I left the 180 minuite final after 175 minuites, I was the thirtieth person to sign out, but out of 240. Did I do ok on it? Well, yes, theres no chance I failed that test. I was hoping that the class would drag my average the couple percent that was required to get it over 80, but I don't think that happened. My astronomy came out at 83 which works out nicely for me, takes the advantage for that class to 82. Which brings us to commerce. That'll come out at a mid to high 80 somewhere, the final was slightly tougher than expected, but it'll be ok. What's left is a course which is vauntingly called Engineering Problem Solving. I'm not worried about that class enough probabally, but I will be ready when I go to write it. It seems to me that it should have been called Review of High School Math and Other Rudimentary Mathmatical Models. Mabey that title is too long. Finally I have Math 223, which is the dreaded Multivariable Calculus. I could very easially fail that course. But I won't.

So I won't be in Edmonton on Saturday. It's just not feasable for me to make it. I apologize to those to whom I told that I would be there. I really want to be there. I just can't.

I've found out that I can take those years that I went to school but can't be applied to my current degree and get a second degree at the same time, so at the time I graduate from Eng I might also get a Geology degree. But that situation is currently evolving.

Aside from that I'm going to be in Edmonton for the Wake, if you know what that is. I will also be there on the night of the 20th but my time is booked. I'll hang with you at or after the Wake though.

Anyway, that's it for now.

:: James [+] ::
...

For those of you who may wish to email me my laptop was stoled this morning. So I may be more out of touch than normal. They also stole my SIN card, so I have to change my life.

James

:: James [+] ::
...

I find this to be the most stressful part of the year. Not because I have exams happening, or because I'm afraid of my marks. It's because theres nothing to do. It's stressful.

I hate sitting around checking my email accounts and my friends blogs waiting for something, anything, to happen. I hate how time stands still and the day flies by. I fill the day as best I can but I can't really go out because I don't have much money. I can only exercise for a couple hours a day, whats a guy to do?

It reminds me of Spring 99 to summer 00. I did nothing for that entire year, except wreck my knee. Ok, I actually did quite a bit that year, but mostly I was bored. I waited till my friends were off work and then hung out with them. I plotted and schemed, and MUSHed and such, but really, I did nothing and it was the most stressful thing I never did. The most depressing too. I'm sure I had a serious manic/depressive trend going on, and while I have had problems with depression in the past I've mostly kicked them, it's times like now that I remember them.

My sister talks to me about how one needs to be in contact with people every day and shouldn't really live alone because of that. I've done it and can see where she comes from. But even these days I don't get nearly the amount of contact that she says is necessary. I got somewhat lucky this year with some friends from school, but I don't have much to do on weekends, and now, when school is out for finals I really don't have much in the way of a friend network to hang out with.

Fine says you, you should be studying anyway. In rebuttal, Eating and living and all that stuff takes about an hour a day, Exercising about an hour or two, so if you say that is all three hours, and I sleep for five to six that leaves fifteen hours. I'm pretty sure I can't study for that long.

Anyway, now I'm whinging, and I hate that.

I guess in summary: I hate too many unscheduled hours, or not having the money and spontaneity to fill them.

:: James [+] ::
...

I remember standing offstage, off the right side of the stage. I was drinking beer, and Al was hanging off of my arm. It was a good night. Firstly there was a shoegazer band. I'd never seen that before, couple guys sampling a drum kit and a guitar and mostly playing with electronics. Mostly looking like they wanted the earth to swallow them whole. I was just getting into Goth music then though, so it was inspirational. They played with passion.

After they finished I waited and finally headliners got on stage. It was strange, you always imagine musicians as being tall, but they weren't, not at all. They didn't have much gear though, a couple amps, a couple speakers, and two acoustic guitars.

By this time I'd been listening to them for years, and they played for what seemed like forever. But it was a short album, and they only played their songs that were on it. The brunette looked passionate, but the blond just looked pissed. Maybe it was her dye job, and she didn't like the grey that her hair had turned into. Maybe it was just her way. But they played their acoustics like demons, furiously blending two voices and 12 strings into one song, and melody.

After that night I listened to their album again. While I still liked it, it had taken on a new meaning for me. Everything they have released since doesn't have that same connection for me. It sounds to me like they just threw everything they were onto a planchard with some oil, and tossed it into a bowl when it started to smoke. But that's unfair of me, in the years since their follow up release, I've revisited it a couple times and it doesn't sound half bad to me anymore. At this rate of beginning to like their new material, I'll be long buried by the time that I would like their new stuff.

But I found them on my iPod. A new song by them which really moves me. I'm just not sure when they released it. Or actually I'm not even sure what it's called. Oh well, easy come easy go. I'm not actively in persuit of that knowledge, by the way, on the premise that achieving that knowledge will bring me less joy than simply letting things slide the way they are.

:: James [+] ::
...

Another Tale:

I went back to school last year, most of you know about that, but I want to debunk some of the myth around it so that I encounter less misconception about it.

I've been going to Raven's Old Year's Wake for more than a decade now, but I can still remember them all. For some time my eulogy would be very depressing, because I imaginged that I had a huge karmic debt (or something akin to) and that I was just digging myself a hole at the expense of my friends. This sort of things went on for years, I had been kicked out of university shortly before my 19th birthday, and was working your basic menial type jobs. The sort of money that you make at those jobs, as I'm sure you'd imagine was not much, and it was hard to make ends meet, and I relied heavily on my parents to help make ends meet. I didn't really have any idea what I wanted to do.

Years later, after I had worked for years, I switched jobs and ended up in a warehouse, moving stuff with a forklift, throwing boxes, and so forth. But within a week of the job I had decided that I wanted to be an engineering student. This was sometime in the summer of 2003. I went back to school. I took night school classes in 2003 - 2006, and eventually built enough classes up to be readmitted into a university. I spent nearly a thousand dollars on university applications that summer, but only got two bites, University of Regina, and University of Saskatchewan. The university of Saskatchewan was the logical choice, but they wouldn't let me into engineering with the marks I had, I had to improve they said. So I redid a bunch of courses again, and took a bunch of new ones, got reasonably good marks, which leads to today, when I recieved my acceptance into Engineering. So, 4 years later, I did it.

Anyway, it took 4 years of work, in brief overview, but was well worthwhile. It's 4 more years until I'm done that degree, and that's if I only want one, but, 8 years isn't too long to wait for something you really want....

James

:: James [+] ::
...